Just when I think I have it all figured out, it seems that the Holy Spirit knocks me down to show me that I don't. Some of what I've been learning is more on the personal side, but I've been finding that the more I have opened up, the more I have been taught.
A few posts ago I told you that the youth at my home church were gearing up for a big Disciple Now weekend. I hated that I wasn't able to be there, but the Lord impressed upon my heart that He needed prayer warriors and I could do that. Here's what I wanted to write in that post, but didn't.
I love going home to lead at Disciple Now. I am so mad I can't do it. People are calling me an sending me message. They want me there. They could have had it any weekend, but they picked the one weekend I couln't be there. Lord...you know I love leading. I feel like you have gifted me in that area. I have a heart for young girls. I have a heart for young girls in my hometown. And then some even deeper things...I know they are going through some rough things right now, I know I could help them. I'm a good leader. I know I can do it. What if the people that lead don't want to try to help? I want to be a vessel for your use. Why won't you let me help?
Bet you didn't think I could think things like that! Those thoughts came straight from my journal and not two seconds after I had put down the pen to hear what The Lord had to say in response, I heard Him. Well, not audibly, but I heard Him. This was His response back to me...
Lindsey, you are pathetic. How many times have you talked to girls and reminded them that we are all filthy rags and it is only through my love and grace that you can be restored? You are not the only one that loves girls and youth. You are not the only one that can reach them. Humble yourself in my sight and let me lift you back up again into Truth. There are others out there that long to have a part in their lives as well. Those guys and girls need more than one person to set an example. I am honored that you want to be a vessel for my use...and I'm letting you...but this time it is not as a leader. Do as I have asked you to do. Pray like you have never prayed before. Just take a step back and watch me work. Lindsey, I want to use you to do great things. It is important to know that I want to use others to do great things too. You are a vessel, but you can be used in more than one way. Pray, sweet daughter. I will answer your prayers in ways greater than you can imagine.
So, for two weeks I prayed. I started praying for the leaders and volunteers and then I got my youth minister to send me the names of all of the students attending. I gave them to some of my closer friends and we prayed over them collectively and individually. Guess what? The Lord didn't disappoint. He answered my prayers in ways greater than I could have imagined. I have received phone calls, text messages and facebook messages about what the Lord did that weekend. He is doing some incredible things in the lives of that youth group and I couldn't be happier. I pray that this weekend will be something that they look back on years from now as a turning point. I pray February 27-29 was not just an event, but that it was an ENCOUNTER.
The kids learned a lot. The leaders learned a lot. However, I'm just as thankful for what I learned. It's not all about me. I'm so thankful that God allows me to be used to accomplish His will, but I am NOT the only one He can use.